just like a pill..

mood: nervous...........almost hyper....


i wanna be strong, motivated and dont care about what my teacher is confronting me with....
but i might fall back on my old reaction!!!
that means that i will get soooo scared and nervous that i wont be able to concentrate..nor remember things anymore...etc

the question is:
shall i eat one of my pills or not?
i would love to say "NO" ...but if my feelings get worse - i will eat one!

yesterday i did three exams á 120 mins...
and today i finished a 90 mins exam....
i did four out of six exams...
my teacher will freak out for sure...
i can already hear him telling me "how stupid i am"
hm...
20 mins left until i gotta go to my lesson....
well..so i'll be in hell from 11am till 4pm...


i think i need my baby-shrink-smurf RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

"hihi"

.....baby shrink smurf....you make me go "hihi" in public.....


this is the cutest sentence ive ever heard!!! ♥

OMG - IM JUST A GIRL!

uffffffffffffffffffffff....im tired as f**k........
but lemme tell you about my weekend....

***

friday:
i got home....and had lunch with my parents....and afterwards i wanted to run upstairs......

"you've gotten something.....its standing in front of your door!" - mommy

so i ran downstairs instead.....
and there it was: a huuuuuuge vase and something that was ripped in paper...i opened the paper a bit and OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG....RED ROSES!

tears shot in my eyes and my heart was beating strongly....
i took the card....ran into my room....closed the door..sat on my bed and opened it...

"be my friend, hold me, wrap me up, unfold me, i am small and needy, warm me up, and breathe me // Smurf"

OMG.....adorable!!!!!!!!
i was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo shocked....
and my heart ♥ started hurting!!!

after i lost myself - i ran upstairs .......while still screaming "OMG OMG OMG OMG"..turned on the pc and went online.....

"YOU ARE CRAZY!!!! YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOOO CRAZY!!!!!" - me to t. on msn....

well...i called anna to tell her....and afterwards i had to call t.
after 1 hour of screaming OMG i finally got quiet......my mom asked me who sent me flowers.....

her first guess was: v. << NEVER....she would never do that!!!!
second guess was: t. << i had to agree and asked her if she is still allowed to come over....

"well..she already booked the tickets...didnt she??" - mommy


***

at 5.30 i met sebastian....the bassist of a band i was supposed to meet.....
my friend anna followed me...... :)
we jumped into his car and he gave us a ride to the rehearsal room :)
very cool and scary place.....
ive gotten to know the rhythm-guitarist first....
and later the lead-guitarist! :)
they were both sceptical about me...... :/
hm...they played a few songs for me...and then they told me to sing to it...
but....
- there were no lyrics
and
- no melodyand still they wanted me to sing ANYTHING......


so i listened to their song..and tried to find a text to it....
in the end i decided to pick pink's "last to know" and changed the melody a bit etc...
it worked perfectly :)
we rocked the house :P
they were totally surprised about me singing!!!
in the end they told me that i am in the band :)
i am the youngest and the only girl....yaaah :P

GIRL POWER!


***

after the audition i went home ....ate a snack...drank 2 cups of coffee...changed clothes and ran off again to pick up anna for a ladies night out at "stone" :)
hm....
as we arrived at 10.30 the club was totally empty.... :/
straaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaange.......
yah..and then there was this weird 45 year old guy staring and stalking us for around four and a half hours!!!!
anna and me danced a bit...and i looked quite cool with my hat and danced rockNroll....

"those guys are gay, right?" - me to anna

well...that old man scared us soooooooo much that we ran off!!! and told the guard to give us 5 mins to run away from him....
we were scared like shhhhiiiiit....


***

we sang loudly in the car as we were on our way back home!!! :)

***

saturday:
i met my cousin, her friends, her date, who came with his gf *lol* and his friends....
it was suuuper boring....and i got all shocked as one of my classmates showed interest in my cousin....i hate my classmates.... :/
hmm..
i came home at 4 in the morning :P

***

sunday:
chill chill chill-axing!

if i could turn back time....

music:

• ronan keating - iris
• beyonce - irreplaceable
• tina turner - simply the best
• brian mcfadden - real to me
• cher - if i could turn back time
• nelly furtado: all good things
• men at work: down under
• delirious: inside outside
• nickelback: if everyone cared

mood: confused & cold

yesterday i showed t. some photos of my childhood via webcam...
and i must admit that i miss these years a lot!!!
i had been such a happy girl....

im at work right now...and i really ask myself wtf im doing here!?!?!?

oh......radio plays the perfect song right now.....
cher - if i could turn back time

yes - if i could turn back time...i would change a lot of things!!!!!
i wouldnt sit in this stupid office now....doing an apprenticeship i dont like!!!!
ive always been a creative person....
my life had always been surrounded by music....different languages...travelling....and i always loved it to be on stage as an actress....

damnit - i want my life back!!!!!

i think its kinda weird that my parents didnt notice that i looked like a guy for maaaaany years...
that i even acted like one....
i had been very boyish....but also i had some girly years....
my parents must have been blind.....
they did NOT see that i turned to a bisexual .oO(shhhhhh....lesbian)

well...as i started dating my first girl...my mom suspected that something was/is wrong....
but still....they should have known earlier....just because ive been not very girly.....

ive been a bisexual .oO(shhhhhh....lesbian) for 4 years now.....and i like it the way it is....


***

omg.......how adorable is that!!!!!
t. just wrote me a lovely text in german....
im soooooooooo damn proud of her!!!!!
it means a looooooooooooot to me that she tries to speak and write german!!!
it constantly makes my ♥ jump up'n'down!!

***

x your fingers for me today...
i wanna go back on stage!!!
and i have an audition today!! :)

i wish i was a punk rocker....

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In 77 and 69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late to a world that doesn’t care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When the head of state didn’t play guitar,
Not everybody drove a car,
When music really mattered and radio was king,
When accountants didn’t have control
And the media couldn’t buy your soul
And computers were still scary and we didn’t know everything

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In 77 and 69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late to a world that doesn’t care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When pop stars still remained a myth
And ignorance could still be bliss
And when God Save the Queen she turned a whiter shade of pale
When my mom and dad were in their teens
and anarchy was still a dream
and the only way to stay in touch was a letter in the mail

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In 77 and 69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late to a world that doesn’t care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When record shops was still on top
and vinyl was all that they stocked
and the super info highway was still drifting out in space
kids were wearing hand me downs,
and playing games meant kick arounds
and footballers still had long hair and dirt across their face

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In 77 and 69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late to a world that doesn’t care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

I was born too late to a world that doesn’t care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

snowflakes

Schneeflöckchen Weißröckchen, wann kommst du geschneit?
Du wohnst in den Wolken, dein Weg ist so weit.

Komm, setz dich ans Fenster du lieblicher Stern,
malst Blumen und Blätter , wir haben dich gern.

Schnellflöckchen, du deckst uns die Blümelein zu,
dann schlafen sie sicher in himmlischer Ruh.

Schneeflöckchen, weiß Röckchen, wie glitzerst Du fein.
Du kannst gar ein Sternlein am Weihnachtsbaum sein.

Schneeflöckchen, Weißröckchen, komm zu uns ins Tal,
dann bau´n wir den Schneemann und werfen den Ball.

winter arrived today....
***

i wish t. would have been here with me to watch the snowflakes flying through the air!

***

yesterday we had our first conflict.... :/
".......Mark??.....Mark??" *runs down the street like a horse - only wearing undies, a pair of sports-shoes and a thin sweater.....

THE END OF THE STORY:

bridget: im so sorry. i didnt mean it. well, i meant it, but i was so stupid... after all, its only a diary. everyone knows diaries are just... full of crap.

mark: yes, i know that. i was just buying you a new one.

***

we beat out phone-record last night!!!
five hours.....and oh my god it felt like only half an hour :/

i got all shocked as the clock striked 1 am ....

geeeez...i fell asleep right after we hung up...and i didnt even brush my teeth - yuck yuck..

***

tomorrow i will meet sebastian.... he wants to check my singing-qualities :)

xx