JEN

coffee-blah blah

2007-11-20T06:31:00.000-08:00

ops....long time no posting...cause ive been busy!

news:

my gf visited me in august...we celebrated my "swedish" birthday party...
i flew to sweden in sep/oct....twas a great time!
my gf just visited me a few days ago.....
and i just recorded my first cd with my band....release date: mid january!

bad things never change:

i hate my class and my class-teacher...

upcoming:

new songs are written....
our first gigs will be in february

mini-me

2007-08-06T03:21:00.000-07:00

ja........that is my current mini-me!!!

the no asshole rule

2007-08-05T22:48:00.000-07:00

i've been waiting a year or two to buy "the no asshole rule"....a book by robert sutton....and now i finally did :)
this book is a bless...and will hopefully help me...
tomorrow i gotta go to school again..that means that i will be surrounded by some stupid assholes...

today is a very nice summer day.......
the sun is shining....33 degrees....
god...i wish the entire summer would have been like that :/

on sunday morning...at 2 am i booked my flight-tickets to sweden.....
dec. 25th - jan. 5th.....
12 days....
i am looking forward to a very lovefilled time :)

by Laotse

2007-07-29T23:14:00.000-07:00

♥

DISTANCE IS FOR LOVE WHAT WIND IS FOR THE FIRE.

IF IT IS STRONG IT WILL GET STRONGER,

IF IT IS WEAK, IT IS BLOWN OUT.

♥

by laotse or lao tse or laozi (= the old master)
chinese philosopher and important figure in taoism
4th - 3rd century bc

blog silence!

2007-07-29T22:48:00.000-07:00

oh...its been quite some time ago that i posted a blog...
i had been very busy....
currently i am still working for the marketing department and that means that i work around 45 hours a from monday-friday.....on weekends i am most likely dead or try to meet my friends...

from the 8th - 19 th july i visited my sweet gf in sweden :)
we had an amazing time and i already miss her like crazy!!!
i cant wait to see her again.......19 days left :)

and i already booked my tickets for september/october....so i will be in sweden from september 28th - october 6th....
and since i got invited by my gf's family to join the xmas days with them...i might fly on december 26th and might stay until the 4th, 5th or 6th of january :)

short info to my sweden-trip:

we laughed a lot
her eldest sister and her bf came over
we had bbq
we went shopping....or well me :P
we had ice-cream, hamburgers and coffee
we took walks
we were lazy
we tickeled each other a looooooot
we went to oskarshamn to see my fav band live on stage (first row) - "THE ARK"!!!!
nanne grönvall and veronica mashroom (maggio??) :P were there as well..and of course...loads of "fjortis" - crazy looking fourteen year old girls, who cried and screamed and jumped...
we ordered our "amor vincit omnia" rings and picked them up one day before i left
we celebrated our 5 months anniversary
we went to restaurants..
we met her best friend and his gf
we went swimming with her little sister
we had some nice time på brygga :)
we watched a lot of stupid movies....
we cooked and baked together..

...and...and....and...

I LOVE HER SOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!

a poem i will always remember!

2007-06-19T23:26:00.000-07:00

The Owl & the Pussy-Cat
by Edward Lear

The Owl and the Pussy-Cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat.
They took some honey and plenty of money
Wrapped up in a five-pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
'O lovely Pussy! O Pussy, my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!'

Pussy said to Owl, 'You elegant fowl!
How charmingly sweet you sing!
O let us be married! too long we have tarried:
But what shall we do for a ring?
'They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the Bong-Tree grows
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood,
With a ring at the end of his nose,
His nose,
His nose!
With a ring at the end of his nose.

'Dear Pig, are you willing to selling for one shilling
Your ring?' Said the Piggy, 'I will.'
So they took it away, and were married next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
They dined on mince and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand
They danced by the light of the moon,
The moon,
The moon,
They danced by the light of the moon.

10 hours

2007-05-31T22:32:00.000-07:00

friday...
7.30 am...
10 hours....
600 mins...
36000 secs..

yes yes yes...........
TODAY....
im gonna have myself....
a real good time.....
i feel alive....
and the world..
is turning inside out yeah...
im floating around in ecstasy..
so dont stop me now....
dont stop me...
cause im having a good time...having a good time!!!
like a tiger defying the laws of gravity...
im a racing car passing by... like Lady Godiva
im gonna go go go
theres no stopping me
im burning through the skies ...yeah!
two hundred degrees
that's why they call me mister fahrenheit
im trav'ling at the speed of light
i wanna make a supersonic man out of you
dont stop me now
im having such a good time
i'm having a ball
don't stop me now
if you wanna have a good time just give me a call
dont stop me now - cause i'm having a good time
dont stop me now - yes - im having a good time
i don't want to stop at all
im a rocket ship on my way to mars
on a collision course
i am a satellite - im out of control
i am a sex machine ready to reload
like an atom bomb about to
oh oh oh oh oh explode
im burning through the skies - yeah!
two hundred degrees
that's why they call me mister fahrenheit
im trav'ling at the speed of light
i wanna make a supersonic woman of you!!
dont stop me
dont stop me
dont stop me
hey hey hey!
dont stop me
dont stop me
ooh ooh ooh - i like it
dont stop me
dont stop me
have a good time
good time
don't stop me
don't stop me
ooh ooh- alright
im burning through the skies - yeah!
two hundred degrees
that's why they call me mister fahrenheit
im trav'ling at the speed of light
i wanna make a supersonic woman of you!!!
dont stop me now
im having such a good time
im having a ball
don't stop me now
if you wanna have a good time
just give me a call
dont stop me now - cause im having a good time
dont stop me now - yes - im having a good time
i dontt wanna stop at all
la la la la laaaa
la la la la
la la laa laa laa laaa
la la laa la la la la la laaa hey!!

21 hours and 30 mins

2007-05-31T00:40:00.000-07:00

its thursday...
21 hours and 30 mins
1890 mins
113400 secs ....to go... until LOVE comes to town...

* ♥ * ♥ * ♥ * ♥ * ♥ * ♥ * ♥

the sun will come out
TOMORROW
bet your bottom dollar
that TOMORROW
there will be sun!

just thinking about
TOMORROW
clears away the cobwebs,
and the sorrow
til there's none!

when im stuck a day
thats gray,
and lonely,
i just stick out my chin
and grin,
and say,
ooooooooooh!

the sun will come out
TOMORROW
so ya gotta hang on
til TOMORROW
come what may
TOMORROW!
TOMORROW!
I LOVE YA!
TOMORROW!
you are always
a day
a way!

55 hours

2007-05-30T01:23:00.000-07:00

it's wednesday...
10.30 am

i gotta wait
55 hours
3300 mins
198000 secs

until my life is complete again....

♥

81 hours

2007-05-28T23:24:00.000-07:00

may 29th...
tuesday...
8.30 am..
81 hours to go..
4860 mins.....
291600 secs...

....until i will hug and kiss my sweet girlfriend!!!

oh i cant wait until she comes over.....
she is the love of my life......

♥

the ring.....

2007-05-22T04:06:00.000-07:00

finally i found a photo

OUR ring!

efva attling
amor vincit omnia
(love conquers all)

♥

9 days ♥ ♥ ♥

may 21st

2007-05-20T22:45:00.000-07:00

its cloudy, gray and muggy outside....
it was already 15 degrees as i left home....
they say that it is supposed to be 30 degrees today...

my fav t-shirt brand called me on saturday...and told me that my ordered shirt is done :)
i am soooo damn happy about that!!!
they had the last press in december 06.....and already destroyed the design....
but for some reason...they made it....and produced one more shirt for me...or well...for my gf :)
yay!

10 days left until my gf comes over :)
ohohoooo...and i planned sooooooo many nice things i will do with her!!
i just cant tell....cause she already googled the ticket-prices for the american football game....

everyone loves xmas-calenders....right????
i thought of writing her a letter every single day......
so every day would be a surprise :P

yesterday night she played guitar for me ...and i was quite amazed, how good she already is....
if she keeps on playing every day - she will be a very good guitarist within a short time!
i totally believe in her......

10 days to go......10 days!!!!!!

---

i feel horrible.....
i still have circulation problems :/
everything is twisting and turning and i feel sick....

hmm..and my co-worker(boss) is freaking all the time.....

i just hope that the day will pass fast :/

---

ooooooooooh...this morning at 7.30am i sent my ex two emails..one in english...one in swedish...
cause i read in the newspapers that "cutty sark" is/was on fire...

cutty sark is a 138 year old tea clipper which is docked in greenwich/london...
only 1 min from my ex's student halls, where she lived around a year ago....

at 12.14 pm i got a text message from my ex saying "cutty sark - the ship was on fire this morning"...

ACH NEE!!!!!!!

hahahaaaaa....

well...soon she will read my emails and will find out that i informed her right after it happened :P

song no. 3

2007-05-15T05:16:00.000-07:00

after i have brainstormed my thoughts for a couple of months....
i finally finished the lyrics to my band's third song...

i am sooo damn proud of it...cause this time i really had problems...
i have never written such a difficult lyrics before...

but i made it!
and i am looking forward to write song no. 4 ...

♥

look-a-like

2007-05-14T05:19:00.000-07:00

well...ive been told i look like:

pink
a lion
lara croft
leah randi
leisha hailey
taylor hanson
kelly osbourne
michelle williams
leonardo dicaprio
katherine moennig
jonathan taylor thomas
crown-princess victoria of sweden

hmmm....any other ideas?? hahahaaaa......

johnny cupcakes (tm)

2007-05-14T05:09:00.000-07:00

what i want and need...

a shirt of johnny cupcakes (tm).....

♥

sverige.......jag kommer!!!

2007-05-14T03:27:00.000-07:00

jahaaa.....in july i will fly to sweden :)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand guess whaaat???
i might be able to see "the ark" live on stage.....

oh god help me - i love them.....they are sooooo damn cool :P

well..i still have some time to learn their lyrics ..hihihiii..

their performance at the esc was really awesome....

they kicked butts......

whatta shit that the east-europe-mafia was involved and messed up the entire contest with their weird point-system!!!!!!!

i cant wait to get back home...and listen to "the worrying kind"..

i am sooooo addicted to their music :P

as i clocked in the status said "13 hours plus"...

i am soooo damn proud......BUT today i will leave earlier....cause on wednesday and friday i gotta sit until 5.30pm again....

♥

disunion....

2007-05-13T06:56:00.000-07:00

........is a song i wrote around 2 years ago.....

i think i wanna ask my band to play it with me.....
i am sure they will be able to make a "cool" song out of it.......

+++

currently i am quite confused....hurt and depressed.....
i dont know what to do....
i just wanna run away...and hide......
im all embarrassed for what im feeling right now....
but i cant stop it....... >> it makes me insane!

tiredness vs. coffee

2007-05-07T22:40:00.000-07:00

its only 11 degrees today....
and the sun is shining through the window in my face.....
it is a cloudy gray day...and it looks like the sky would cry within a second!

im just about to finish my second coffee...
but this morning - the coffee doesnt kick in that well....
im all cold, overtired (you should have seen my hair this morning), unmotivated and nervous....

at least my working-time-account made me all happy as i clocked in this morning....
8 hrs and 13 mins plus :)

23 days left until my smurf comes over..........i hope they will pass fast.......

currently im trying to write the lyrics for a new song....
but maybe i should give it up.........cause the melody doesnt work.....

hmm...im waiting for my smurf to wake up :P
i am soooooo jealous of her..cause she can sleep until 9 or 10...
ja jaaa..its not so nice when the alarm wents off at 4.57 am :/

oooooooooooh...........summer vacation starts in exactly 2 months :P :P

and i soooooo have to get a ticks-immunization........i just read about it in the newspaper again...
i hate shots and needles *hides

RAIN

2007-05-06T22:56:00.000-07:00

good morning...

whatta wonderful rainy day......
you may wonder, why i like rain on an early monday morning....
but here are the reasons:

it hasnt rained in 32 days.....
the air is smelling very very nice....
a hot coffee kicks in even better....
i feel all romantic...

this morning my smurf called me at work...gosh....i love her so much...
especially when i hear her cute voice sooo early.....being still tired and all cuddly!

only 24 days left...until i will be able to hold her in my arms again!!!

I CANT WAIT!!!

hmm..but now i should stop dreaming..and get back to work!
two departments are screaming for help!
gosh..its only 8.05 am, i arrived 7.05, im having my fourth coffee ......and there is soooo much to do!

spread love!

piles.....

2007-05-03T05:09:00.000-07:00

...of work are lying on my desk...
around 10 different projects....and they are all mine!
most of them are quite interesting...it starts with creating a leaflet for a product and ends with designing a new box/package....
my fav project is "give our baby a name" :)
i got a nameless product - and now i gotta find a perfect name for it!

today i had a long chat with my old department....and afterwards i felt a lot better... :)

tomorrow is my last chance to talk to my co-worker, who will move to sweden to work there...
i wanna ask her - if there is a chance to follow in a few years...

that would be very amazing...wouldnt it?

now i gotta continue working!

oh lá lá....

2007-05-01T23:47:00.000-07:00

i think i need a new cup of coffee....

this morning is not treating me very well.....
i am tired, unmotivated and nervous...

now......at 8.55 am - almost 2 hours after i arrived - the first co-workers of mine arrive in the office....
i must be sick..starting soooooo early....but well...i need the "plus"-hours and i wanna go home earlier than 6 pm...

hm...today i will get back home around 10.30 pm...cause i will have my band re-hearsal right after work..

at 11 am i will have a course...thats why i am so nervous..cause i gotta exlain my teacher why i failed :(
i mean..he already knows that i got bad grades..and he offered to help me....but still - im embarrassed like shit!!!

***

monday evening was pretty funny...
a. and me met for a starbucks on town..... and took some paparazzi-like photo in front of chanel :)
i started joking - how funny it was - if the alarm of chanel would go off, because of us posing etc....
a minute later the alarm of some other expensive store right next to chanel went off..hahahaa...
we were quite shocked and thought that we looked very suspicious..cause of our sunglasses....and because of the reason that we were the only people standing next to that store!
slowly we went away until we saw a lot of police arriving...
then we turned around...walked back..and told the police-officer what we saw......

afterwards we went for a walk...took some more photos...went home.....and watched "walk the line" until 2.15 am...

then we slept until half past 1 pm ..got up and baked cadbury heavenly puds (soft chocolate muffins with liquidish chocolate inside.........) i served them with stracciatella ice-cream and a butterfly chocolate chip :)

tears..........

2007-04-19T06:33:00.000-07:00

the truth about me as an apprentice...

im a very very very unintelligent student.....
nobody in class likes me... they just ignore me...
whatever i say or do - its either unheard or they laugh about it...

today i cried.......

reason:
i got my accountancy exam back...and it was a big fat F!!!
right after i got it - my teacher told me that he wants to talk to me after the lesson...

after lesson:
he asked me, how i was doing, cause of my breakdown i had last year...
and i told him that its getting better...but that its very hard for me to follow the lessons, cause my brain wasnt able to save information last year...so im not able to see a context now...
well..then he asked me, if i see a chance to pass the final exam... and i answered that i am "positive" about it.......then he looked at me...and went like "sorry, i think that you are not realistic! i dont think that you will make it.....and im sorry to tell you that...but i have to give you an E as final grade for this years report..."

after that conversation i ran to the restrooms.....locked myself in a cabin...and started crying....

next lesson - i had another conversation with two teachers about my grade in their subject...
and they also told me that my grades were not good at all.... D- in the exam..and a D as final grade for this years report...they also told me that they dont see a lot of future in me.....
i might pass the final exam in their subject....but possibly not in the others......

and i still havent gotten back the other exam i totally messed up..... :/

i really thought of killing myself today.....
cause my futured life is based on school reports etc...and especially cause i wanna reach high!!!!!
very high!!!!
i wanna get successful ......but that doesnt work with bad reports!!!!!!

also - i might not stand the physical pressure of my company....
cause my boss will defo freak out...if she sees through my school report and exams...

well....i called my course teacher today...explained my problem...and asked him to help me..
we wanna work out a program now...there is still one year left to get ready for my final exam..
and maybe i will pass it with some good grades....

i need support now...
a lot of love...
positive energy....
and a strong sense of responsibility!!!!

* * *

there is this person / god / goddess / guardian angel / angel / mysterious person / ghost that sends me signs from time to time...
and i asked that mysterious existent helper for an answer today...

i went like "gimme a sign.....if you dont want that i kill myself......"
i searched everywhere...looked around ..but didnt get any...

then i got on the train...sat down on a seat and stared out of the window....a second later..a woman sat down in front of me..... i just randomly looked around... totally forgot about the fact that i was looking/waiting for a sign...
the woman took out a book out of her bag.... i recognized it....cause i read it....
it was cecelia ahern's book "ps: i love you"....her bag was red...and the brand of the bag was called "home"...

AND THAT WAS MY ANSWER..THE SIGN I WAS WAITING FOR!

amor vincit omnia

2007-04-16T08:20:00.000-07:00

2nd month anniversary...and it so doesnt feel like it.......

2 month = nothing.........
but we have to start somewhere......and since i know that SHE is the right one...i dont wanna count at all.....cause it feels wrong!!

well....its been sometime that i blogged - hence studying, school and i was on vacation.....

short news about what happened last month:

NEGATIVE:

i fucked up my intermediate examination...
my class doesnt like me...
lost my fav jacket at the airport in stockholm
made my gf cry twice

POSITIVE:

had an amazing time in sweden
amor vincit omnia
love my gf's family & friends
signs
fav customer at carlings :P
bara vara - my new fav coffee place in sweden
got very cool new clothes
lost my fear of dogs and cats
milked a cow.............a very nice one
fed a little black lamb
got tattooed by t.'s little sister :)
late breakfast
quorn
fika with t's friends

now i should study for my stupid exam.............................more later..............................

i ♥ you, t.

1st month anniversary!

2007-03-16T01:08:00.000-07:00

today's OUR first month anniversary!!

but still - it feels like ive been together with tess for more than a month.....
yesterday i received her anniversary card....
she sent me the cutest post-card ever!!!!

and herre gu........her hand-writing is the most beautiful hand-writing i have ever seen!!!

and she even printed the cutest smurf ever - on the back of the envelope - instead of writing her name and address!!!

I YOU!!

i got a fist in my face!

2007-03-15T05:44:00.000-07:00

oooh...im at work right now...
and just received an email from a co-worker...
who told me to stop backbiting her department....

HELLO?

i never did that!!!!!!

the only thing i told my co-workers was that i didnt learn a lot in their department - as they asked me what i learned.....
and since that department told everyone that i fell asleep (which happened, because of a breakdown meant by stress etc) i had to explain the situation to other co-workers and departments....

i just got another email...i will NOT open now.......cause im so frigging scared!

im shivering like f-u-c-k......
feeling sick!!
having a disturbed glace in my red eyes....
and my face is all pale!!!

HELP?

girly - but rocky!

2007-03-14T02:12:00.000-07:00

my new shoes by buffalo :P

i proudly present my band....

2007-03-14T00:58:00.000-07:00

i just love it!

2007-03-13T23:54:00.000-07:00

highs & lows of march 13th

2007-03-13T14:32:00.000-07:00

highs:

i finished 3 verses (á 16 lines = 48 lines) of my band's new song...
free coffee...
nice talk with one of my fav co-workers

lows:

confused (feeling strange) about yesterday's fight..

i have to admit....

2007-03-12T02:00:00.000-07:00

...that i really like cissi ramsby!!
she was a nominee at the swedish "idol"...
unfortunately she got kicked off ..

school sucks!

2007-03-05T11:29:00.000-08:00

ive been back to school for 3 days now...and i can already announce that i STILL hate school...

everyone is ignoring me...
and if they realize that i am a classmate - they joke about me!

i just hate it!!!!!!!!

for example:
last friday we had to introduce ourselves...cause we got a new teacher...
we had to add our hobby...
so i told my new teacher that im a singer of a metal band....

after a few hours - i wanted to answer a question that my teacher asked me...
i answered in a normal voice....but since i have stupid dorks in my class, who scream and talk all the time - they didnt get my answer....
as they asked me to repeat it - since my voice had been to low - they added "well..you are a singer of a metal band, arent you?"

the entire class cracked up......

I HATE THEM!!!!

i really thought that guys between 21 and 26 have at least a tiny bit of brain.....
BUT...................................."NO"....

tomorrow i will have my english-certificate-exam.....and guess what?!?
i wont have a partner!!! cause i am the only one who will do the "vantage" exam....
another reason why my class joked about me again!!

god...save me!!!

now it is official....i am stupid!

2007-02-28T07:36:00.000-08:00

today i had my intermediate examination.....
and it sucked horny donkey balls :(
i could cry...

and my boss...who told me that everything will be alright- if i get a bad grade - got all bitchy as i told her that she should expect the worse!

A-W-E-S-O-M-E

and of course she wasnt the only one picking on me today....
also my grandpa had to remind me that i should concentrate on my apprenticeship and not on other things!!!

H-E-L-L-O??

shit..i wish a car would have hit me on my way to that ass-fucking exam!

THANK GOD (actually tess) - i have the best girlfriend in the world, who supports me with all her love!!!

♥

i wanna run away....

2007-02-26T23:14:00.000-08:00

....tomorrow is intermediate examination day...

and i am NOT

prepared.....
motivated....

nor

interested...

run away, run away from the pain yeah, yeah yeah yeah

purple and pink

2007-02-26T02:32:00.000-08:00

on wednesday....in 2 days.... i will have my intermediate examination...

this exam includes everything i've learned within 2 years......
and HEY i just started studying!
well..this weekend i had better things to do....
for example:

talking to my gf
talking to my gf
talking to my gf

i just wrote some sheets...and i painted the most important words in purple and pink...

god.....im sooooooooo girly :P

MUST HAVE

2007-02-23T01:43:00.000-08:00

pink - ♥ - mirror - peppermints - sugar free........... PERFECT :)
http://www.littlei.com

hångla - jättegott sockerfritt tuggummi

the perfect chewinggum to make out :)
http://www.bluebox.se/

sverige im coming!!

2007-02-22T03:29:00.000-08:00

yes .. i just booked my flight to sweden :)
april 2nd - 14th...

im so excited.....

the only thing that is bugging my mind right now - - - i didnt tell my parents yet!!!

min svenska flickvän

2007-02-22T00:14:00.000-08:00

friday feb. 16th - i had to get up at 3.30 am to give my dad a ride...since i needed the car all day....i almost killed a few frogs, a mouse, two rabbits, a cat and a man...what the hell are those creatures doing on the street in the early morning????? especially when I AM driving????

i got home around 4.45 am and slept or well rested until 5.30 am... took a shower...got ready....jumped in the car...turned on the current cd of p!nk (im not dead) ....and sang along while driving to work...

i was nervous all day....
i ran around...telling my co-workers that i have to leave in only 8....7....6...5...4...3...2...1 hour/s

as i finally left at 2.30 pm, i had to admit that i was already too late...cause it takes around 1 and a half hour to go to that airport....and as the traffic got worse and worse...i got even more nervous about the time...
as i got out of the traffic i drove 150/180 km/h...i made it in only one hour :)

it was hard to find a parking place....so i drove circles over and over again until i decided to park in the second row.......which is NOT allowed...

i jumped out of the car....ran up and down.....and up and down....over and over again.....watched the car every five seconds.....and after 15 mins i ran into the building, cause arriving people got out of the airport...
i was waiting and waiting and waiting..and it felt like ages....
i got really nervous, cause of the car and since i was super excited about my swede coming over...so i kinda died...
after a billion other people came out with their luggage - t. finally made her way out of the arriving room.....

a loud "heyyyy" and a warm hug followed.....a warm and very shaky one lol...
we still dont know, who started shaking! it was a really nice moment....

we ran to the car ...throw her luggage in the back of my car.....i offered her a brownie and started the engines :P
i was talking all the time....listening to "no doubt" and "p!nk"...and of course i was speeding like shit :)
i loooove going fast!!!
after 45 mins we got home...and already met my mom before she walked in our street...

soon i kinda recognized that we had no time to go to a restaurant...so we hit the car again and went to the supermarket and bought tons over tons of vegetarian food :P hehehee....

since we also had NO time to cook...i made a garlic baguette...

we didnt hurry at all...and dad wanted me to pick him up at 7...
tho my band-re-hearsal started at 7 - i picked him up...and speeded off to the band-re-hearsal...
we made it in half an hour :)

we were with the band until 10....
went home and yeah...she lay down in her bed...and i lay down in mine :)
we started talking....i took her hand.....and we couldnt let go....
stroking and holding each others hand....
decision..
decision..
decision..
soon i asked her to come over...and she did :)
decision...
decision...
decision..
and after hugging tightly and a nose kiss - it followed a really really nice frenchkiss...

i was afraid i wouldnt feel it....but i did...and..and...and she is the number one of those i kissed...
we hugged and kissed e/o all night....fell asleep holding e/o ...woke up the same time in the middle of the night continued..and yes...the rest of this story is history :)

saturday feb. 17th - the alarm-clock was set at 9.15.........we got up at 12 i guess....hahahaa....after we got up we had a yummie breakfast ...croissants...rolls...chocolate-milk..a yoghurt.... :)
after we took a shower and fixed make-up etc.... we took the train to d. - i told c. that we were sorry for being late...and met her and her friend y. at "el paso" :)
we had a lot of fun....and had a yummie lunch/dinner....
i got quite shocked as t.(waitress) passed my way....

later we ran around in d. and after a few hours we took the train back home....
as we sat on the train i thought of when and where i should kiss her on the way back home...cause we had to walk..hmm..
as we walked home i wanted to kiss her so many time..but whenever i wanted some car stopped next to us..or someone watched us by standing at the window etc etc etc...
as we were walking at the mainstreet...the street was empty..and as i looked up at the sky one of the street-lights turned off..i went like "whatta bad sign" and she said "no..not at all...this is perfect" and kissed me....i lost myself and realized that it was destiny and that it was the perfect moment to kiss her!!!!!

at home we hurried and got ready for a night out partying at "stone" :)
at 10.30 anna picked us up.... and we went partying!!!

i cant believe that we saw c. the singer of d.t.h. at stone...cause ive lived in d. for 19 and a half years and have never seen him...and now....after ive moved away to k. i see him :P
it was weird...
also i met a. an old classmate from r.school and a. an old classmate from p.school. :)
the only thing that sucked was...that a . (r.school) had a fist-fight with some other guy...it totally ruined my night....
a. (p.school) and me danced and i have to admit that he is quite cute :)
t. didnt dance with me thaaaat much...cause "swedes have to get drunk before they start drinking"
well...i danced my butt off...lol
at 2.30 we left and went home....

sunday feb. 18th - we were supposed to get up around 10/11...and woke up by my mom knocking on my door - telling us to wake up..cause she cooked some vegi-lasanga for us :)
grandpa was so cute as he tried my swedish cookies :P hahahaa...
we had some coffee and cookies....t. got ready..and we head off to d. again...to meet a. for a yummie burger at "space burger"..
since we were so early i invited t. for a coffee at starbucks and showed her a tiny part of d.

later we had a yummie dinner at "space burger" ..went home afterwards...
and watched "fucking amal" at home ...or well..we watched it a tiny bit :P

monday feb. 19th - carneval is a huge thing in d. - so we went to d. to watch the parade...
it was quite funny....especially as i took a photo of some swedish-flag-granny and t. :)
later we tried to find an open coffee place, cause we were cold, but all places were closed....

we went home and had some brocoli-soup and a comfy evening at home :)

tuesday feb. 20th - i had to get up at 3.30 again...cause i had to give my dad a ride...
i came home at 4.30...and we got up around 10ish....got ready.....ordered food at some italian restaurant....and had lunch...
before we left...t. gave me a smurf holding flowers in its hands :)
then we made our way to the airport.....late as always...and with 180 km/h :)
we made it in 35/40 mins :)

i hate saying "goodbye" ...but this time it was different..... especially as she told me something special...while hugging her :)

on my way back home my cd played "when a man loves a woman" ....this song conjured some tears in my eyes...but i did NOT cry....im strong! :P

sick & tired

2007-02-21T01:12:00.000-08:00

music: black eyed peas - let's get it started

ooooooh...i got a bad flu...
but still....im sitting at work and i badly try to survive......

i would have stayed at home today... BUT today's the last course....
soon i gotta hit the course...

m. got me ONE liter of licor 43... :P

now to smurf....

we had an amazing time.....i miss her tremendously!!!!
i will write more when i feel better... :)

band re-hearsal - no.II

2007-02-14T22:59:00.000-08:00

ive gotten the keys for our re-hearsal room :)
yay --- but hmm.. 50 bugs a month is quite a lot for some poor apprentice like me!!

i really love our songs...but since im the singer ...its really hard for me - if i dont have lyrics nor a singing-melody to ANY song!!
my guys are already recording the songs for me...so i can start writing lyrics :)

since it was valentine's day - i bought yummie candy hearts and brownies for my band-members...heheheee....

well..after the re-hearsal - s. gave me a ride to the mainstation...and i got home around 11...

m. wrote me an email this morning and i asked if i survived the ride...lol
they are so damn nice.... :)
i feel like a princess!!! hahahahaa

ouch??

2007-02-14T22:52:00.000-08:00

im so stupid.....how could i be soooooo insane??

yesterday i went to a solarium.....
and obviously - or well most likely..
i've lain there for toooooooo long!!!

ouch??

happy valentine's day

2007-02-14T01:09:00.000-08:00

to everyone, who loves me...
and to those, who dont!!!

♥

what i had......

2007-02-13T13:53:00.000-08:00

♥

mmmm...psychotically good...

2007-02-12T23:41:00.000-08:00

the perfect
valentine's gift
for a
mint-addicted-shrink (smurf)

im sooooo proud!!!

best sentence ever!!!

2007-02-12T23:02:00.000-08:00

FITTA - vad gör det så in i helvetes jävla kuk ont!!!

i've repeated that sentence so many times yesterday...
that it is still on my mind...hahahahaaa....

but as always - v. didnt like my swedish....
t. did - and that is what counts!!!!! YES!!!

right, t.??

my swedish rocks..hehehee....

STARBUCKS

2007-02-12T03:26:00.000-08:00

yes yes yes yes yes...

finally...

my-starbucks-addicted-self will meet a. at starbucks today....

i just love love love starbucks!!!

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

sverige v.2

2007-02-08T05:37:00.000-08:00

hahahaaaa....

sverige

2007-02-08T04:28:00.000-08:00

sverige rocks!!!
v for v**ina ..hahahaaaa....

winter wonderland

2007-02-08T03:29:00.000-08:00

mood: nervous & irritated
music: james morrison - you give me something

guess what?!?!?!

it's snoooooooowing :) yay yay....
sooooo magical...
sooooo white...
sooooo wonderful...

8 days to go .... jävla skit, im sooooo scared.. :(
im getting all shy and quiet here.... :/

caffein-girl

2007-02-06T03:40:00.000-08:00

mood: strange & sick & flurry
music: backstreet boys - incomplete

i love my new department....
loads of new and interesting work and lovely co-workers...

every morning m. invites me on a coffee and i get some yummie cookies and cakes...

but im stressing myself again....
everything is coming back again....
im nervous....confused....im feeling sick...im acting strange..im thoughtful...getting pessimistic...

hm...i dont even wanna eat....

ewwww...now i gotta get back to my studies.....

numb.

2007-02-06T03:16:00.000-08:00

no sleep, no sex for you from your ex-girlfriend
i was too deep, i can't let you go and just jump in
at times i would push my feelings aside to let you feel
i'm novicane i'm numb and nothing's real

like the coldest winter, i am frozen from you

i was weak before now you made me so numb
i can't feel much for you anymore
i gave you my all, my baby
i'm numb, numb, numb

but the tears were silent inside you see
but the tears were silent inside you see

i laid there quiet, watched you have your way with me
i might have cried, the tears were silent inside you see
you called me names, made me feel like i was dumb

i didn't feel a thing and now i'm gone, gone, gone

like a battered child i got used to your pain
but you know its cuz i was weak before now you made me so numb
i can't feel much for you anymore
i gave you my all, my baby
i'm numb, numb, numb

i was weak before now you made me so numb
i can't feel much for you anymore
i gave you my all, my baby
i'm numb, numb, numb

don't feel a thing, don't feel the pain
numb, numb, numb
said

i was weak before now you made me so numb
i can't feel much for you anymore
i gave you my all, my baby
i'm numb, numb, numb

i was weak for
said now i'm numb, numb, numb
no, no, no, no

hardcore shopping

2007-02-05T04:56:00.000-08:00

lately ive been checking jewellery and clothes...
and came to the decision that my list is definitely too long!!!

jewellery:
* efva attling
* thomas sabo
* white trash charms

clothes:
* david & goliath
* liquor brand
* united colors of benetton
* king cat

r-r-r-a-t-t-t-t-t-e-t-t-t-t-t-t-t

2007-02-05T02:02:00.000-08:00

mood: nervous & tired
music: Kooks - She Moves In Her Own Way

after such a badass-weekend - im back in business....
working like a honky..or well...right now i have nothing to do :P

***

i think i gotta get ready for my fifth coffee :)
hell, yes - im such a coffee-ohlic :P
and i miiiiight meet anna-banana for a coffee at starbucks today....
we will see........cause she doesnt know how long she will be at the fashion-fair....

***

i cant believe what smurf is creating for me!!
i kinda fell off the bed as i read her text this morning :P
this is such a cute and lovely idea :) since i aaaalways wanted to have it...
and self-made is always better :)
im sooooo damn curious!!!!

***

on friday i will meet s. right after work..
cause he wants to teach me some bass :) yaaaaaay....
and after the band re-hearsal i wanna meet anna-banana, anna-wau and beate for some nice cocktails and fancy dinner :)

***

help! only 10 days left until smurf gets over here...
im sooooooooo damn nervous.....hmhmmmm....
hellicopters in my belly *r-r-r-a-t-t-t-t-t-e-t-t-t-t-t-t-t r-r-r-a-t-t-t-t-t-e-t-t-t-t-t-t-t

just like a pill..

2007-01-31T01:38:00.001-08:00

mood: nervous...........almost hyper....

i wanna be strong, motivated and dont care about what my teacher is confronting me with....
but i might fall back on my old reaction!!!
that means that i will get soooo scared and nervous that i wont be able to concentrate..nor remember things anymore...etc

the question is:
shall i eat one of my pills or not?
i would love to say "NO" ...but if my feelings get worse - i will eat one!

yesterday i did three exams á 120 mins...
and today i finished a 90 mins exam....
i did four out of six exams...
my teacher will freak out for sure...
i can already hear him telling me "how stupid i am"
hm...
20 mins left until i gotta go to my lesson....
well..so i'll be in hell from 11am till 4pm...

i think i need my baby-shrink-smurf RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

"hihi"

2007-01-29T04:58:00.000-08:00

.....baby shrink smurf....you make me go "hihi" in public.....

this is the cutest sentence ive ever heard!!! ♥

OMG - IM JUST A GIRL!

2007-01-29T02:48:00.000-08:00

uffffffffffffffffffffff....im tired as f**k........
but lemme tell you about my weekend....

***

friday:
i got home....and had lunch with my parents....and afterwards i wanted to run upstairs......

"you've gotten something.....its standing in front of your door!" - mommy

so i ran downstairs instead.....
and there it was: a huuuuuuge vase and something that was ripped in paper...i opened the paper a bit and OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG....RED ROSES!

tears shot in my eyes and my heart was beating strongly....
i took the card....ran into my room....closed the door..sat on my bed and opened it...

"be my friend, hold me, wrap me up, unfold me, i am small and needy, warm me up, and breathe me // Smurf"

OMG.....adorable!!!!!!!!
i was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo shocked....
and my heart ♥ started hurting!!!

after i lost myself - i ran upstairs .......while still screaming "OMG OMG OMG OMG"..turned on the pc and went online.....

"YOU ARE CRAZY!!!! YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOOO CRAZY!!!!!" - me to t. on msn....

well...i called anna to tell her....and afterwards i had to call t.
after 1 hour of screaming OMG i finally got quiet......my mom asked me who sent me flowers.....

her first guess was: v. << NEVER....she would never do that!!!!
second guess was: t. << i had to agree and asked her if she is still allowed to come over....

"well..she already booked the tickets...didnt she??" - mommy

***

at 5.30 i met sebastian....the bassist of a band i was supposed to meet.....
my friend anna followed me...... :)
we jumped into his car and he gave us a ride to the rehearsal room :)
very cool and scary place.....
ive gotten to know the rhythm-guitarist first....
and later the lead-guitarist! :)
they were both sceptical about me...... :/
hm...they played a few songs for me...and then they told me to sing to it...
but....
- there were no lyrics
and
- no melodyand still they wanted me to sing ANYTHING......

so i listened to their song..and tried to find a text to it....
in the end i decided to pick pink's "last to know" and changed the melody a bit etc...
it worked perfectly :)
we rocked the house :P
they were totally surprised about me singing!!!
in the end they told me that i am in the band :)
i am the youngest and the only girl....yaaah :P

GIRL POWER!

***

after the audition i went home ....ate a snack...drank 2 cups of coffee...changed clothes and ran off again to pick up anna for a ladies night out at "stone" :)
hm....
as we arrived at 10.30 the club was totally empty.... :/
straaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaange.......
yah..and then there was this weird 45 year old guy staring and stalking us for around four and a half hours!!!!
anna and me danced a bit...and i looked quite cool with my hat and danced rockNroll....

"those guys are gay, right?" - me to anna

well...that old man scared us soooooooo much that we ran off!!! and told the guard to give us 5 mins to run away from him....
we were scared like shhhhiiiiit....

***

we sang loudly in the car as we were on our way back home!!! :)

***

saturday:
i met my cousin, her friends, her date, who came with his gf *lol* and his friends....
it was suuuper boring....and i got all shocked as one of my classmates showed interest in my cousin....i hate my classmates.... :/
hmm..
i came home at 4 in the morning :P

***

sunday:
chill chill chill-axing!

if i could turn back time....

2007-01-26T02:09:00.000-08:00

music:

ronan keating - iris
beyonce - irreplaceable
tina turner - simply the best
brian mcfadden - real to me
cher - if i could turn back time
nelly furtado: all good things
men at work: down under
delirious: inside outside
nickelback: if everyone cared

mood: confused & cold

yesterday i showed t. some photos of my childhood via webcam...
and i must admit that i miss these years a lot!!!
i had been such a happy girl....

im at work right now...and i really ask myself wtf im doing here!?!?!?

oh......radio plays the perfect song right now.....
cher - if i could turn back time

yes - if i could turn back time...i would change a lot of things!!!!!
i wouldnt sit in this stupid office now....doing an apprenticeship i dont like!!!!
ive always been a creative person....
my life had always been surrounded by music....different languages...travelling....and i always loved it to be on stage as an actress....

damnit - i want my life back!!!!!

i think its kinda weird that my parents didnt notice that i looked like a guy for maaaaany years...
that i even acted like one....
i had been very boyish....but also i had some girly years....
my parents must have been blind.....
they did NOT see that i turned to a bisexual .oO(shhhhhh....lesbian)

well...as i started dating my first girl...my mom suspected that something was/is wrong....
but still....they should have known earlier....just because ive been not very girly.....

ive been a bisexual .oO(shhhhhh....lesbian) for 4 years now.....and i like it the way it is....

***

omg.......how adorable is that!!!!!
t. just wrote me a lovely text in german....
im soooooooooo damn proud of her!!!!!
it means a looooooooooooot to me that she tries to speak and write german!!!
it constantly makes my ♥ jump up'n'down!!

***

x your fingers for me today...
i wanna go back on stage!!!
and i have an audition today!! :)

i wish i was a punk rocker....

2007-01-26T00:38:00.000-08:00

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In 77 and 69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late to a world that doesn’t care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When the head of state didn’t play guitar,
Not everybody drove a car,
When music really mattered and radio was king,
When accountants didn’t have control
And the media couldn’t buy your soul
And computers were still scary and we didn’t know everything

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In 77 and 69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late to a world that doesn’t care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When pop stars still remained a myth
And ignorance could still be bliss
And when God Save the Queen she turned a whiter shade of pale
When my mom and dad were in their teens
and anarchy was still a dream
and the only way to stay in touch was a letter in the mail

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In 77 and 69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late to a world that doesn’t care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When record shops was still on top
and vinyl was all that they stocked
and the super info highway was still drifting out in space
kids were wearing hand me downs,
and playing games meant kick arounds
and footballers still had long hair and dirt across their face

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In 77 and 69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late to a world that doesn’t care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

I was born too late to a world that doesn’t care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

snowflakes

2007-01-25T00:39:00.000-08:00

Schneeflöckchen Weißröckchen, wann kommst du geschneit?
Du wohnst in den Wolken, dein Weg ist so weit.

Komm, setz dich ans Fenster du lieblicher Stern,
malst Blumen und Blätter , wir haben dich gern.

Schnellflöckchen, du deckst uns die Blümelein zu,
dann schlafen sie sicher in himmlischer Ruh.

Schneeflöckchen, weiß Röckchen, wie glitzerst Du fein.
Du kannst gar ein Sternlein am Weihnachtsbaum sein.

Schneeflöckchen, Weißröckchen, komm zu uns ins Tal,
dann bau´n wir den Schneemann und werfen den Ball.

winter arrived today....
***

i wish t. would have been here with me to watch the snowflakes flying through the air!

***

yesterday we had our first conflict.... :/
".......Mark??.....Mark??" *runs down the street like a horse - only wearing undies, a pair of sports-shoes and a thin sweater.....

THE END OF THE STORY:

bridget: im so sorry. i didnt mean it. well, i meant it, but i was so stupid... after all, its only a diary. everyone knows diaries are just... full of crap.

mark: yes, i know that. i was just buying you a new one.

***

we beat out phone-record last night!!!
five hours.....and oh my god it felt like only half an hour :/

i got all shocked as the clock striked 1 am ....

geeeez...i fell asleep right after we hung up...and i didnt even brush my teeth - yuck yuck..

***

tomorrow i will meet sebastian.... he wants to check my singing-qualities :)